Our most valient and just party was approaching the warehouse district, when we were waylaid by a lone bandit wearing skeleton-face. Most of us were unphased by this portrayal, with the exception of our Tabaxi friend, Smoking Mirror, who in fear immediately ran up the alley walls like a cat up a tree.

Four additional bandits enter the alley in a devastating pincer attack. AJ immediately attempts to grease them, but they gracefully piroet out of danger. His allies unfortunately are less lucky, and the grease trips an attempt by Robbie to tackle a bandit, as well as ruining the charging Paladin’s (Lampert Fireforge) Pony Lance attack, tumbling both of them into the grease.

“I have to ride my pony to use my lance properly”

A crossbow bolt nails Smokey, who collapses onto the roof - but never fear, he’ll just make 2x + 1 saving throws in a row and self-stabilize, as usual. Robbie clambers onto the pony’s back, and accidentally instructs it to charge, stomping straight through one of the bandits harassing our faithful paladin in a surprising feat of animal empathy. The Paladin, choosing to act from a majestic seated position, retrieves a javalin from his many pouches, and pierces an adversary.

Their foes dispatched, Smokey scarfed down his red poshun, which unfortunately was merely a Goodberry Smoothie. Don’t trust roadside poshun stalls folks!

The troope retire to a brewpub, poorly tending wounds, and investigating the bloodless head of the skeleton woman - revealing her to be bewitched by an unusual variant of necromancy, allowing the retaining of mental faculties (but not one’s morals, evidently).

Proceeding down, evidently additional, alleys: an odd looking old man begins to speak, interrupted by meaty arms reaching out from yet more adjacent alleys, pulling him into darkness. After slowing them down, we were paid for our generous acts in… dozens of fancy earrings. We equip them on the pony, of course. The old man stumbles away mumbling something scripted about balance sheets.

Arriving at the warehouses, an elf captain proceeds to list off several … unfortunate names, which match none of us. Our resident forger proceeds to sign one of the names, incorrectly, which has zero repercussions as signatures are as meaningless in this age as ever.

Descending down the warehouse’s sinkhole’s pre-prepared rope, rats occur. The ring of Yander Boot!! is coughed up by a besieged rat. Lampert siezes the gross ring, raising their greed exponent +1.

We encounter four hot tubs (blue, green, murky, clear), and some vague diagrams depicting robed figures bathing. After Robbie’s alchemical tests prove unfruitful, the Cat jumps in the greenpool, developing chemical lesions and an even stronger distaste for water. A pool party ensues, with much splashing and trading of pools, which somehow causes a key to be procured.

Proceeding past the next door, we encounter a series of Sen’s Fortress-like traps, ending in a large locked door. Efforts to pick the lock resulted in half the group teleporting to the far side of the door (an interesting security mechanism), requiring liberal application of brute force to reunite. Discovering 4 silver necklaces after dispatching 4 mummies, the Tabaxi immediately puts on all of them.

They’re bandaged, they make good padding.

We took a rest on top of the mound of bodies, in the crypt.

– Robbie,
Trombone Skeleton acolyte,
Obviator,
Professional Documancer

Cast

• B - “Robbie” the “Human”
• R - Smokey Mirror, a Tabaxi Warlock
• D - The Chonk, full of rage
• T - “AJ”, a wizard of excellent repute and most graceful of feather falls
• T - Heyo, one of them rogueish types
• N - Lampert Fireforge, our pony-lancing Dwarfy Paladin