Having deftly handled our first assignment, we were rewarded for our troubles by being sent out of town, to be forgotten about. Our task: travel to Phandalin and check in on a franchise that hasn’t reported in awhile. Phandalin’s supposedly a town to the north, but none of us have been there, so it probably isn’t real. We provision ourselves accordingly for a 2 way waste of time journey, and head out into the social isolation present outside Waterdeep.

As we setup camp on the first night, an elven scouting troupe broaches our circle, to warn us about an ogre in these here parts. None of us have seen an ogre, so it probably isn’t real either.
Resuming our journey, we’re interrupted by a goblin toll booth. The goblins seem to have an inverted idea of what direction haggling is supposed to go, and seem to keep raising their rates as we’re negociating passage. Seeking to establish dominance, Lampart discharges a holy smite into a full-speed lance Zandatsu, obliterating a goblin utterly. They thus allow us to pass without further toil or toll.

Our second night, we encounter two large wolves chasing 8 robed Pilgrims, or possibly cultists (but cultists are just something adventurers talk about, they aren’t real). With a few greataxe blows, and some very feeble javelin jousts, we settle the argument in blood.

Resuming our own pilgrimage, we stumble upon a group beating on a lizardmadame, for being too slow to harvest valuable local algae. Enquiring as to their legal basis for this assault, their brutish leader commands his two furbolgs, Jutt and Meff, to dissuade us. We’re able to convince them that their financial fortunes better lie with us and the broader Acquisitions Incorporated brand, and they turn on their former leader, assisting Iver in felling another tree with his greataxe.
We receive a sample of the algae in thanks, and she agrees to sign a renewed trade contract (under our better management) for a similar continual delivery of algae products for sale in the city.

Skeletal horses. Ropes.

Entering the town of Phandalin, we’re accosted by a soap-boxing mayoral candidate, evidently blaming newly arriving foreigners for any and all crime in his “peaceful” city. Lubricating the local watering hole, we’re informed that Mongoose Enterprises, the preposterous name of the franchise we’re persuing, purchased a manor near town, which recently exploded - the last anyone has seen of the group.

Taking a trip to the manor’s ruins, it has definitely seen better days. While picking through the ruins, a pack of dingos surrounded us, and fire were exchanged, primarily from our scary-cat Smokey. The pack alpha, after being lassoed into submission, shapeshifted into a human - they were a Dingo Druid all along! Some light rope pressure revealed that the druid’s pack were hired to find, and dispose of, any bodies found at this manor ruins, by a not right smelling hooded Goblin. Further ruin scavenging revealed a DD recently spray painted, suggesting a troupe of busty ladies may be the culprits.

There’s some zombies in a pit now.

Success?

– Robbie,
Trombone Skeleton acolyte,
Obviator,
Professional Documancer

Cast

• B - “Robbie” the “Human”
• R - Smokey Mirror, a Tabaxi Warlock
• D - The Chonk, full of rage
• T - “AJ”, a wizard of excellent repute and most graceful of feather falls
• T - Heyo, one of them rogueish types
• N - Lampart “Arthur” Fireforge, our pony-lancing Dwarfy Paladin
• M - Iver, a muscleman & Goblin Slayer, raised by wolves

Guest Starring

• Dab, the Brass Dragon
• Gork (brother of Mork)